Distinguishing Your Peace (of Mind)

As mentioned previously in 'happiness is overrated', happiness and peace can be separated, yet remain dependent on each other. We need both of them, yet they don't often come together. I think everyone at some point, and unfortunately, goes through something ill fortunate that affects them to the point where neither is maintained.

To outsiders, it's easy to put on a brave face of happiness, especially with social media being the icing on a very dry crumbling cake. If we can present to others how happy we must seem with all we've achieved, the people we take pictures with, the smile captured in a still moment or even perhaps an exciting moment that lasts for twenty-four hours for everyone to see - you must be happy. Social media acts like a portfolio to some, showcasing their happy moments in an attempt to salvage what little they actually have when no one is looking. For others, its simply fun, or a waste a time. To each their own.

It's not just social media, its the stories, updates, the conversations we have with other people around us. Sometimes it's easier for us to convince other people we are happy so that maybe we can believe we actually are. As they say, fake it till you make it, so you'll say it until you believe it the way you really want it.

So you see, you can fake happiness and you can experience happiness but peace is something intimate. I feel as though achieving peace is to be at one with oneself (we'll get onto that gradually)

Much of the time our worries and upset reek havoc on our peace. Actually, all the of time. In the world we live in, it would be silly to think that anyone person will have perfect peace. We should never be striving for perfection, we strive for growth, understanding, and effectiveness. Everyone has their own idea of peace so I'm not going to sit here and tell you what peace looks like. I think that's one of the issues we have as human beings.

We have an immense amount of consciousness (how you choose to use and develop that is your own business). When we have a problem, we, of course, look for answers. Like having a headache and googling the symptoms, finding webMD and diagnosing yourself as someone who is terminally ill. Or better yet, using horoscopes to categorise yourself so you belong or fit into a pattern in the world, or simpling indulging in chaotic and self-sabotaging behaviour because its the only thing we know. We'll use 'that's just the way I am' to justify patterns of behaviour because that's all we've known and there is clearly, no way to change that.

Why is that?

Whether you believe in God, the universe or some higher power, or perhaps you don't, you. must realize by now that some things are just out of our concepts, and out of our control. How we choose to respond to the situations we get dealt with is in our control. That being said, sometimes the things that influence our responses aren't totally in our control, hence bringing me back to what I said earlier. We'll use 'that's just the way I am' to justify patterns of behaviour. Our brain acts as a giant sieve, we receive so much information and depending on how we process that information, the filter size adjusts. (Bare with me). What we choose to take in, learn, understand, disregard, form opinions on it, our experiences create filters as to how to process information handed to us. I.e, our way of thinking. (Still with me?) No one person thinks identically, take a look at a set identical twins. Genetically they are the same, the same brain structures etc, but they will eventually experience different factors that will influence the way they perceive certain things in the world. (I really hope you're still with me.) Therefore, someone's idea of peace is dependent on their experiences and how they view and receive the world and everything in it.

Peace is something intimate. Peace can be said to be a balance, and that includes our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. That's what makes it different from happiness. Happiness is all positive experiences, peace is balance, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

peace /piːs/

noun

1. freedom from disturbance; tranquillity.

2. a state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended

Depending on how you look at your state of peace, do you consider yourself to be at war with yourself, or filled with areas of disturbance? Some people will have inner conflict, regardless of how 'perfect' and 'good' their life seems. Some will be surrounded by factors that limit their ability to find peace. Some experience it all, everything but peace.

It will take us meeting a new partner, or someone that allows us to be vulnerable, whether welcomed or not, to reveal just how messed up we really are behind it all. The childhood trauma, the toxic relationships, the abuse, the violence, the innocence that was destroyed, a broken trust, the loss of a love, etc, too many to count but I'm sure you know where this is going. Perhaps it isn't something that happened, but something that will happen that will leave us exposed and vulnerable - and we hate being vulnerable. We will take the vulnerability and try to mask it, we try to hide it, protect it, get rid of it, punish it... just so that we'd never have to be vulnerable again, and that's just the way we are. We'll take the moments of vulnerabilities and sometimes without even knowing it, we come up with our own coping mechanisms and filter to handle matters that cause or threaten our vulnerabilities. Sometimes it doesn't matter how we do it, how it gets done, who we hurt in the process as long as we can counteract the 'weakness' that come from our vulnerabilities - and we hate being vulnerable.

This isn't to justify anything, actions, good or bad, have their own results that need to be held accountable. Holding actions accountable is what we also need to remember, which is often forgotten in our moments of deflecting our vulnerability. We'll lash out, say or do horrible things when fueled with hurt, pain and bad memories. This is an attempt to lay the facts on the table, not to justify our bad traits. I don't think you'll never not feel vulnerable, we're human, we make mistakes, we experience the world in all its states. Distinguishing your peace of mind isn't about finding out what's wrong and getting rid of it, but understanding that we have something wrong, broken or misunderstood about ourselves, and we can't allow our bad tendencies control the way we behave. That itself, is easier said than done.

This is a reflective concept rather than a quick fix, and our patterns of behaviour can expose just that. The moments where we say 'it's just the way I am' or, 'I can't help it' or 'I don't know why I always do this' etc are telling traits of our behaviour. If we can expose our patterns of behaviour, we'll be able to find what triggers it, and the roots it stems from. As I said before, we can control our actions, but perhaps sometimes our actions are influenced by something else. In order to distinguish your peace of mind, you need to find your influences.

Being vulnerable is not a bad thing, it a human thing and it reminds us that sometimes we do need help, we need companionship and love in a world that often doesn't seem to have it. If we look in the right places, being vulnerable can be a beautiful thing, a thing that brings others together, for no one is left without being vulnerable. Strength is only achieved by which being vulnerable is not a threat; it is not something that brings insecurity.

That being said:

What makes you feel, or seem vulnerable?

How do you respond to moments of vulnerability?

What are your patterns of behaviour as a response to your vulnerability?

What's encouraging, enabling and influencing your patterns of behaviour?

To Recap:

• Sometimes it's easier for us to convince other people we are happy so that maybe we can believe we actually are

• You can fake happiness and you can experience happiness but peace is something intimate

• We should never be striving for perfection, we strive for growth, understanding, and effectiveness

• How we choose to respond to the situations we get dealt with is in our control

• Sometimes the things that influence our responses aren't totally in our control

• Someone's idea of peace is dependent on their experiences and how they view and receive the world and everything in it

• Distinguishing your peace of mind isn't about finding out what's wrong and getting rid of it, but understanding that we have something wrong, broken or misunderstood about ourselves, and we can't allow our bad tendencies control the way we behave

• In order to distinguish your peace of mind, you need to find your influences.

• Being vulnerable is not a bad thing, it a human thing and it reminds us that sometimes we do need help, we need companionship and love in a world that often doesn't seem to have it. If we look in the right places, being vulnerable can be a beautiful thing, a thing that brings others together, for no one is left without being vulnerable. Strength is only achieved by which being vulnerable is not a threat; it is not something that brings insecurity.

*Disclaimer, I'm obviously not a therapist or psychologist, I'm just a person with access to the internet, writing down my observations as I go along. This is an attempt to help others, and well I guess myself. Do seek professional help if needed.*