Letting Go Whilst Holding On

The anxiety of the unknown has the potential to stimulate a pain we may never feel.

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I hate needles.

A great intro, that is.

Getting injections or blood tests brings utmost dread to me. I’ll clamp my eyes shut, scrunch my face, and hold my breath as if doing that somehow numbs the excruciating pain of a single prick.

It doesn’t, obviously. I think, preparing myself for the worst, decreases the amount of pain that I’ll eventually feel.

There are definitely worst anticipated pains compared to a needle pin, like ripping off a plaster or hearing the ‘beep’ from your contactless payment, but pain is pain.

Justifying the level of pain you feel on an emotive level is arguably as hard as justifying physical pain. The keyword here is ‘justifying’. Heartbreak can feel like the most gut-wrenching, soul-crushing grief, meanwhile breaking a bone is its own gut-wrenching, bone-crushing response.

The emotions of joy, pain, satisfaction, and variation of emotional stimuli we experience require similar attention to the response we would give to physical pain. Being wounded, hurting, healing or scarring can not only be a physical concept but an emotional, spiritual, and existential notion.

We often hear the phrase ‘just let it go’, and no, not from Frozen, but from others who may or may not have our best interest at heart.

I am one hundred percent a believer in healing emotional wounds before they get infected or infect others, but I am not a believer in suppressing psychological hurt to just, simply, ‘get over it’ and ‘let it go’.

Often times we feel like people won’t care, or that it is ‘not that deep’. A paper cut is ‘not that deep’ until it starts to sting and burn. What was once a small, insignificant hurt, turns into a pestering wound that may alter the way you handle certain things to avoid feeling any type of discomfort.

Isn’t that what we do? We alter the way we handle certain things because of the pestering wounds of the trauma, hurt, embarrassment, and disappointment we encounter in life. The saying:‘fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me,’ really hits hard when we think about how regretful and critical we are of ourselves when we ‘feel’ like we’ve ‘allowed’ others to hurt us in a way we’ve been before. ‘I knew this was gonna happen’ or ‘I should have known’ is all too familiar when we feel like we’ve let bad things happen to us.

It's a hard habit to knock, but the way people treat us is not a reflection of our value but an indication of their morality. The bad things that happen to us don’t mean we deserve it, but simply an unfortunate event for which maybe there is no justification - that itself can be its own wound. Not knowing why.

We can sit and ponder, about all the alternatives to all the circumstances we’ve been through, going through, and will go through, but what good does that do? The anxiety of the unknown has the potential to stimulate a pain we may never feel. That isn’t to say we aren’t supposed to be cautious, but there is a difference between being cautious and letting caution be anxiety.

There is no ‘letting go’. We can’t just one day wake up and decide to ‘let things be’. It definitely is a work in process, but we have to one day start. We need to understand that there may be a possibility, but that does not equate to certainty.

There is a possibility that we will get wounded, hurt, or broken to what feels like beyond repair, but it is still not a certainty. Letting go of the idea of ‘certainty’ whilst holding on to the idea of ‘possibility’ may just be the starting point of dealing with pain of any form. There is no right way, or ‘if I had just known’ to deal with life. Life happens beyond our control, but what we can control is how we react and deal with the cards we are dealt.

Flying a kite requires windy conditions, a good distance in the air, and a good grip to keep hold. Sometimes we have to let go of 'what if' into the flow of life and hold on to the 'just in case' so we don't completely lose ourselves.

How will you let go whilst holding on? What certainties do you need to convert into possibilities?