How I Unlocked My Confidence & How You Can Too

Hello, I’m back! Second week in a row, woohoo! First of all, let me take a moment to point out that it’s been a year since I’ve had Kadmij. This is weird, I think this is the longest I’ve ever stuck to anything! I was looking through my notes and realised I missed this post! I’ve been caught up in trying to do everything at once, I haven’t actually done much. I get asked this a lot, between friends and mutuals as to how I'm so confident. Sometimes, I have moments of doubt or self-pity about what it is I’m meant to be doing with my life. To know that I inspire others without even trying, makes me shed a tear a little while in awe.

Let's look at the definition of confidence: the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something. Anyone can have confidence, maintaining it is the hard part. So many things pick, knock, and, bishslap your confidence into an oblivion you'll never seem to quite get out of.

Or so you think. I won’t go too deep into my confidence issues, but a lot of my confidence issues came from the ability to do things. Weird right. As you learn more about yourself, you start to understand your triggers and what causes you to ‘lose’ your confidence. As I’ve mentioned before on here, I’m a crippling perfectionist. When things don’t go my way or aren’t ‘perfect’ to some standard I had conceived, I freak out. It took me a while to figure that out about myself. This is why self-awareness is so important. I started Kadmij to try and live my life unapologetically, and to try to inspire others to do the same. Things don’t always have to be perfect for it to function. Some things work best the way they are. Sometimes things don’t have to change but adapt.

To maintain your confidence, you have to keep doing things that you thrive in, while also maintaining a healthy competition with yourself to grow. You have to push the barriers. Try new things. Break out of your comfort zone. Something I never thought I would do, was putting myself out on the internet. I was quite happy staying behind closed doors and living my life through books and movies. Okay, a slight lie. I was content with the idea of not doing much but yearned to do more. The more I shied away from things, the less I experienced that joyful thrill we get. Like after getting off a rollercoaster, feeling dizzy and reckless yet wanting to do the whole thing again. I pushed my barriers, and still continue to do so trying to live my best life. Albeit, from my computer screen now, but we will move.

I think one thing we always forget is that having little or no confidence, plays a huge part of self-esteem. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to live the life your soul craves, you deserve everything and more. Do you know what you deserve? Do you know what you crave? Then ask yourself: can you justify it without linking it to the approval of others? The moment I stopped seeking validation, I started to do things for myself, I let my soul search - which, isn’t exactly easy. You become a needle in a haystack of opinions and tradition of the society. This is also why exploring your faith is so important. How do you guide yourself without others? God, and a healthy support system He will provide - if you let Him.

I remember sitting in my room staring at my wall not really knowing what it was that made me, well, me. Then I prayed. A big booming voice giving all the answers was not what happened.

There was really no point in giving up at that point. I was already ‘lost’ and there was no harm in trying again. So I kept praying, kept googling ways as we all do and nothing. Nada. If anything, I was more hopeless than ever. Then things just kind of happened. I've learnt that God doesn't just give you want you ask for. He does it in His own Divine way which catches you off guard, in the best way possible. I was meeting new people, who each, whether welcomed or not, had their own effect on my growth. I started drawing and painting again, something I had neglected for reasons I still don’t understand. Experimenting with makeup and fashion more, going with the flow. I started this. I just started to make more decisions that would, if they succeeded, would make me happy. Some failed, some ended in disaster, but I’m starting to live with no regrets. I’m not saying you need to do everything under the sun you think will make you happy, but I’ve had a long journey in my self-discovery. I now know myself more enough, to evaluate the situations present at hand. *To Try*

The key to confidence is knowing yourself. You can’t know who you are if you are always identifying yourself with the opinions and images of others. You can have role models, and idols, but it shouldn’t be something that defines you. Your identity doesn’t need to be someone else’s reflection as reflections are never true images.

Journaling is a good way of discovering oneself. Writing down your thoughts, no matter how random and incoherent, it’s always good and funny looking back at where you are coming from. If you’re not a fan of journaling or find it weird, then are you really mature enough, or ready enough to discover yourself? Why? Simple, you aren’t even ready to break out of your comfort zone and try something that makes you uncomfortable. You don’t have to write pages and essays, just words, even prayers. It’s your progress, not anyone else's.

The next thing I had to learn was expression. I had no clue how to express myself. I knew I was always jokey, sarcastic, and somewhat weird - no. I am weird. Was I comfortable expressing how weird I was? No. No, I wasn’t. The more I denied my authentic self, the less happy I was. Not every environment will be appropriate to show how goofy and weird you are, which is why you need to be self-aware. Over time, your self-awareness will become more natural and subconscious. This is why spending time with yourself is important. In other words, learn self-mannerism.

After that, is growth, continue to nourish and love yourself. Delve deeper into your faith, care for yourself beyond materialistic needs. As you move through life, your desires, and your soul will yearn to enrich itself in all there is for life to offer.

I like to use analogies, so bear with me while I let you into the weird mind of my own.

The sky can change throughout the day. Blushing with grey clouds, or glowing with the fare sun. At night the stars may glitter and burn bright, while the moon glides in a shy dance. Things never remain the same, nor do they have to constantly stay the same. Not everything will be picture-perfect, but it takes a lot of work when no one is looking to build courage. There is a season for everything, a season for you to shine, you just have to find the area you shine through.

So once you’ve unlocked your confidence, you have to maintain it. It may take one rejection, one knockdown, one closed door for you to forget who you are and lose your self-esteem.

There’s no secret answer to gaining confidence, just pure hard self-loving, nothing in life is ever straightforward or easy.

Before I close off, I just want to say, the aim of this wasn’t to say f everyone, but just f you. F you for not putting yourself first, in a non-selfish way. With that, every action has a reaction. You might find that as you evolve into the person you were destined to be, that it means there will be some level of discomfort and change, but every adventure has its obstacles and villains to face. Are you ready to live yours, unapologetically?

To Recap:

• Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

• To maintain your confidence, you have to keep doing things that you thrive in, while also maintaining a healthy competition with yourself to grow.

• Having little or no confidence plays a huge part of self-esteem.

• God doesn't just give you want you ask for. He does it in His own Divine way which catches you off guard, in the best way possible.

• Your identity doesn’t need to be someone else’s reflection as reflections are never true images.