How to Love Yourself

So from my very short journey on here, I've talked about various topics, which may very well seem randomly coordinated. Welcome to my brain. I've tried to cover the various different aspect of discovering and dealing with oneself, all to end up here. How to Love Yourself.

To talk about his, you need to understand that being an individual is a lot more complicated than you think. As you go through life you will go through trials and tribulations which may question everything you think you know and understand about who you are as a person.

Before I get into the act of loving yourself, you can go through the reading order of the self-growth series:

1. Self-Awareness

2. Like Fine Wine

3. The Beauty of Rejection

4. It's Time to Tell your insecurities 'It's above me now'

5. Self-Acceptance

6. How I unlocked my confidence & How you can too

7. How to Love Yourself

I like to think that I've actually written posts for a specific reason, but they just come to me.

I was going to write about how you should be brave, and write down affirmations and blah blah blah. If we come to think about it, how repetitive and almost confining that is?

Yeah, we can put up motivational quotes, and tell ourselves lies about how amazing and wonderful we are - that it's going to be a good day etc. Why lie?

You can indulge in as much positive thinking, self-care, and motivation as you like, but what's the point if it's not being contained properly? It's like trying to blow a balloon up that has a hole in it. No matter how hard you blow with every exhale, how long you blow with every dying breath, the hole will still be there, and it will eventually deflate. You can pretend everything is fine. Brush everything off! When really you can't, you have to face yourself. At the end of the day, if you know deep down, there is something wrong, something you are unhappy about, you will give all your energy trying to fill something that will never be able to withhold much if you don't create a foundation for yourself.

Let's get into it.

Knowing Your Worth

As I said you can read through the other pieces I wrote because I can't be asked to repeat myself to make this point valid. Know. Your. Worth. Do you know who you are? There is no one else like you, so, I'm going to ask again. Baby, do you know who you are?

The same way you wouldn't mishandle your most prized possession, the same way you wouldn't let anyone mishandle you either, including yourself. We tend to be our worst critic. In fact, if anyone was to speak to me the way I often catch myself talking to myself, I would be swinging left, right, front and centre. Your body may change, scars may fade, but your thoughts will imprint into your soul. Scary right? Actually, I don't know if that is correct in fact, but think of how easy it is for us to backtrack thoughts when we are in a similar situation?

"Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your words" Proverbs 4: 23

If the people around you are always feeding you negative thoughts, you will project them onto yourself. We feed off the energy of others and that can easily influence how we act and think. Are you worth that amount of negativity? No. You are worth much more, you deserve peace. Once you click that into your brain, you will be unstoppable. Be kind to yourself and to others. Anything you want, you go get it. Putting yourself first doesn't mean you have to be selfish, but it means ensuring that you keep your wellbeing a priority. You can't care for others if you don't know how to care for yourself, nor can you love others, without loving yourself. You might even find yourself resenting others, the same way you resent a version of yourself which can ruin a lot of relationships. Keep being you, and don't feel the need to be shy of who you are, express yourself unapologetically.

But with that, I must declare a disclaimer, that doesn't mean you have to be a di-jerk. It's all good knowing you're not to mess with, nor one someone should treat anyhow, but with great power, comes great responsibility.

Respect Yourself

You have to treat others how you would like to be treated. Yeah, I know, I've said not to care about what others think, but this is different if you are mature enough to understand that. Knowing your worth, and acting on your worth work exclusively, and the need to coexist together. You can know how you should be treated, yet settle just to get by and avoid conflict. The same way you know you're deserving of that thing you are dreaming off, yet allow yourself to settle for mediocracy. Knowing is one thing, being is another. As the saying goes, put your money where your mouth is. I must also reiterate, that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk. If you have a standard you set for yourself, you must know the reasons why. If the reasons aren't from your heart and aren't with good, moral intentions, then perhaps you need to rethink a few things. I'm just saying.

STOP making excuses

Yeah, I said it. It wasn't until I started journaling properly had I realised that I for one used to use excuses as a 'get out of jail free' card. 'I didn't do my morning prayer because I slept in late because I was so tired. I'll do it later.' Or ' I didn't do that thing because I'm scared I won't be good enough or get the recognition for it'. Another of my favourites, 'There's no point, it's not going to work'. How many times to we keep making up excuses for things we know we should be doing? Eventually, we get to a point where we aren't just looking for excuses but creating one in a toxic cycle of self-sabotage.

Sometimes we legitimately have excuses, but let's switch that term from excuses to obstacles. Things aren't always going to go our way or be in our favour so I'm not going to sit here and say otherwise. We will all have trials and tribulation, hurdles and obstacles that will be in our way but every obstacle has a way around it, a solution, a bypass and a path ahead. When we use excuses, we leave them as they are, we don't try to do anything about it, for they are just excuses. A 'get out of doing that thing' card. If I had a pound for every time I said, 'this is why journaling is important, I'd have about £5 pounds... I've had many excuses as to why I wasn't continuing my blog and other interests I had. School being one of them. As of current, I'm not attending University due to the lockdown, but even so with the extra time on my hands, I haven't touched one bit of the things I couldn't wait to do. You see the differences between creating excuses, and having obstacles?

If you keep creating excuses, you will believe them until you decide not to. However, you will continue to have an obstacle until you overcome them. An obstacle of mine is being a procrastinator. If I overcame this habit of mine, I would get a lot more done. So, instead of blaming my poor work ethic on the excuse of being tired because I went to bed late watching Netflix, I need to actually realise that I have created an obstacle in my life. I prioritised a 40-minute episode, which turned into a binge, over rest that I could have used to start my day earlier. That being said, bad habits are obstacles to overcome, not excuses to exploit.

Go with the flow

Sometimes failure will hinder you from doing things you want to try. In anything, there is either failure or success, so why do we focus on failure more? Failure can lead to a lot of downfall, impact your mental health, self-esteem, and progress...so really I don't even know why I asked that question.

There is a lot to lose when we fail, there's no doubt about it. I've realised one thing though through the 'perfectionist' traits I'm trying to get rid of. If you are scared when you have little to lose, what will you do when you have a lot to lose? Would you gamble with £5 or £5M? regardless of the amount, you still have a decision to make, do or don't, and the outcome to receive, win or lose. We've based decision making on the amount, or value of our current situation. It's easier to fail when we don't have much to lose. I have the ability to mess up on my English and play around with the appearance of my site as it is under development. I'm still learning how to run an online presence and a platform that will be successful one day. I can afford to make mistakes now, however, the greater the value of my presence the more I have to lose.

In failing, you learn to learn. A person who is scared of failing will never learn. You will never learn new tricks, new approaches, new techniques, new ideas, new thinking, just newness. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and try a new way. If someone gave you the handbook on how to succeed in every area of your life, there is only so much you can control. You can't control what others do, you can't control how life will unfold, what you can do is just go with the flow. I'm not saying, don't evaluate and think about what you are doing, you certainly have to, there is a cause and effect to every action. Are you willing to take the responsibly of either outcome, win or lose?

And Lastly.

Enrich Your Life

I used to put off a lot of things waiting for the right moment. When things, opportunities and time comes into your life, take them! Don't be stubborn trying to fill out this perfect timeline in your head. Life will happen the way it wants, you are just here on borrowed time. Enrich your life in things that cause you peace of mind. Don't dwell on the past, taking up your present time. Sure, there are things you could have done differently, things you could have tried, but in any moment in the future, this time right now, you're going to wish you could have done something different.

Do the things you love, nourish yourself with things that make you a better person. Develop that skill, learn new ones. Enjoy the good things in your life, create moments and memories. Just try to live a little bit more!

There's no shaming in being in love with the person you are, no matter how you get there. *inserts cheesy quote* Loving yourself is not something that will happen overnight, weeks or days, but a lifetime. There will be a different version of yourself as you grow and move through life, it's up to you. You are your most prized procession, love yourself for who you are to become. How will you care and love yourself?

I can't speak for everyone, so really take my advice as suited in your life, or don't take it all together. Everyone goes through different things in life and there is no one solution in finding what you seek, but it all starts with you, and a pinch of hope.

I quite like this passage:

"Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts. Never say anything that isn't true. Have nothing to do with lies and misleading words. Look straight ahead with honest confidence; don't hang your head in shame. Plan carefully what you do, and whatever you do will turn outright. Avoid evil and walk straight ahead. Don't go one step off the right way." Proverbs 4: 23-27 GNB

To Recap:

• Know your worth

• Respect yourself

• Stop making excuses

• Go with the flow

• Enrich your life

• If you know deep down, there is something wrong, something you are unhappy about, you will give all your energy trying to fill something that will never be able to withhold much if you don't create a foundation for yourself.

• "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your words" Proverbs 4: 23

• We feed off the energy of others and that can easily influence how we act and think

• Putting yourself first doesn't mean you have to be selfish, but it means ensuring that you keep your wellbeing a priority

• You can't care for others if you don't know how to care for yourself, nor can you love others, without loving yourself.

• You might even find yourself resenting others, the same way you resent a version of yourself which can ruin a lot of relationships

• If you keep creating excuses, you will believe them until you decide not to. However, you will continue to have an obstacle until you overcome them

• If you are scared when you have little to lose, what will you do when you have a lot to lose?

• Life will happen the way it wants, you are just here on borrowed time. Enrich your life in things that cause you peace of mind.